Image via WikipediaIn a post not too long ago I may have complained that the general price level in our fair country is getting a bit too high. In this one however, I will tell the other side of the story. After all, I'm not one to manufact propaganda and propagate the news of our country's dismal state. There are in fact many things that are quite cheap and getting even cheaper by the minute. The credit goes to, well, we'll leave that part for later. For now, lets get into all the bargains you can grab before the sale season ends.I was always told that human life is priceless. You can't measure it. It's impossible to value it terms of anything else that God may have created. Gold, silver, diamonds and even oil. Well, that last item has some complication attached to it. Imagine that. Such a high price for this particular item that you can't even measure it. Now however, thanks to capitalism (or is it imperialism? I keep getting confused) the prices for this once expensive commodity are now greatly reduced! But you can only avail this offer in Pakistan. Just ask American tourist Raymond Davis (or is it assassin? Again, I keep getting confused) who bought two Pakistani lives for 1.4 million dollars. Thats just USD 700,000 a piece! And who knows, if you buy in bulk you'll surely get a big discount. Just Imagine, you could be the owner of your very own genocide! In fact, get creative enough and you can name it a "Pakistani" holocaust!
To top it off, America is giving us Islamiat lessons for free. How nice of them to give us that little refresher course on blood money. Wow America, I have no words to express the overflowing sentiments I feel right now. I do however have a finger that can get a minute fraction of the point across. Guess which one?
It doesn't end there. The Pakistan Tourism Development Corporation has gone to great lengths to make our beautiful country more accessible to foreigners. Why just now they started their stealth helicopter program. Thats right, If you own a stealth helicopter then you can just fly right in! No visa, no passport necessary. Hell, we'll even toss in a free Arab. If you're armed then you'll love to visit the town of Abottabad for target practice. By the way, Abottabad is not a suburb of Islamabad. It's a city itself. Way up in the mountains.
It's not just Pakistan that is making itself more accessible to foreign countries. You may all remember the Iraqi "Everyone with a false rumor gets in free" promotion. That had dramatic effects on the price of oil. Consider this, the American forces had themselves a party there, according to the Iraqi Body Count project they won the lottery, 150,726 Iraq's killed. There's no way we can compete with that. Damn you oil rich countries. Now, assuming an average of 1.9 million barrels of oil were pumped out from Iraq from 2003 to 2010 and that the average human body has 4 litres of blood the price of oil comes out 0.000124 litres of Iraqi blood per barrel! Now thats an amazing offer you just can't beat. I don't know why Americans complain about the high cost of oil, all you have to do is deposit one dead Iraqi at the nearest gas station and you walk away with 32,207 barrels of oil!
Coming back to Pakistan, people may not know this but we also have another great service. We'll stock your prisons for you! Just ask our satisfied customer, the administration of Gitmo. Before they outsourced their prisoner acquisition function to us, their prison was a desolate place. No prisoners. There were fears of takeovers, mergers and redundancies. Then, we stepped in. With competitive rates as low as a few hundred dollars for one Pakistani, we saved their prison and now it is constantly stocked, always a fresh supply of inmates ready for "enhanced interrogation". That is just one success story, contact us now to see how outsourcing to us can enhance your prison! Whats more, we'll even handle the shipping charges. Contact us at info@buyacitizen.gov.pk.
So who does all the credit go to? Well, to understand that, you've got to realize that Pakistan is a business. It's the Islamic Republic of Pakistan Limited. Once you see it that way you realize that Pakistan Ltd. is, always has been and always will be a cash cow. The owners of this company, the ruling party and the army take every possible step to ensure that it remains a profitable entity. However, no organisation can achieve its objectives without its faithful employees. It is only due to our citizens perserverance to not do anything while things go from bad to worse that we have reached the position where we are today. It is only because of us, who keep electing the same people to power over and over again. So enjoy everyone, you earned it.
Talha A. B.
