This weeks post was supposed to be about something else, but something else didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. Lately I haven't been able to write the way I usually do. The only way to describe how I write my post is that its completely fluid. I tap away at the keyboard and thoughts turn into words almost instantly. It's all about what I'm feeling at the moment. I haven't felt like myself for quite some time and I don't think thats going to change anytime soon. Writing for this blog seems almost a chore where once it was something that I used to enjoy and look forward too. If you don't believe me ask Sara Q. how much I used to bug her about making her weekly post. This time around, I was struggling to get the words out. I'd spend minutes just staring at the screen, trying to remember what I had to write or trying to remember If I had anything to write at all. What I did manage to type down made no sense at all. It just didn't feel like me and so I just deleted the damn thing.
That brings us to this post. I have no plan for it. I'm just writing whats coming into my head. The reason is that I just want to get this mess out of my mind so that I can move on to the next post. Don't worry, this is not going to be diary or journal entry, though I think some introspection may come into play. We're not going to get into my emotions here. I'll see a psychiatrist for that. Lately, due to the multitude of challenges (read problems) that keep piling on the pressure on me I seem to have become this bitter, vengeful and rage fueled individual (I'm listening to death metal for gods sake. I don't even like metal). Or if you prefer it Sara Q's way, an angry young man. This state of mind comes with the side effect of me always being on edge, ready to explode at any moment. This doesn't really come with any advantages. Unless of course you consider scaring your co-workers and getting on virtually every seniors bad side an advantage.
I won't get into what it is that has got me so worked up, after all, this is not a diary. Actually, I don't know what I'm getting at. Unplanned post remember?
Here's something that I want to ask all of you though (I'm hoping "All of you" is more than the two followers we have as of right now), do you really know where you are in life right now? You have a plan right? You measure how far you've come and how far you have to go by this plan. Did you ever consider what you would do if this plan didn't work out? Or whether this plan is grounded in reality? You follow this plan because it promises some reward at the end. How would you feel if you put in all the hard work, went through all the pain and jumped through all the hoops that were set up for you only to be told that there is no reward?
The point that I'm trying to bring to light is not the one you may be thinking about.
You see, you have to sit down and realize that we are adults now. Now I know you think you're an adult but I'll stop you right there. You think wrong. Once again, we are adults now. Why? Because now we make the decisions. The choice as to where our life goes is up to us. If, again, you think you know all this, you're wrong. You see, we do have the choice, but what we don't know are the consequences. Having the power to choose means that we are blind to the knowledge of what the wrong choice is and what the right choice is. The choices will be made right now but the effects will show five years from now, or ten years from now or throughout our lives. It is only in the future that we will know if our choice was right or wrong. By the way, by "we" I mean those born slightly north or south of 1987.
My plan got royally...... you know. But as the animal inside is slowing down, a certain form of twisted clarity is seeping in. I'm beginning to see what the situation is. Sure, one path is closed but what I have now is opportunity. An opportunity to pick a different direction. So now I stand surrounded by choices, with no idea which one is the right one. This sort of leads into the second point, plans change, roadblocks pop out from nowhere. But at the same time, there is usually a fork in the road. Be prepared to deal with life. There are things that school, college and books can't and didn't teach us. Luckily I like to learn the hard way, I can't speak for anyone else though.
This has to be my worst post to date. At least its out of the way now.
Till the next (hopefully better) post,
Talha A. B.
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