Organised chaos!

This entry was actually supposed to be light and comedic. Instead it’s something else. Can’t specify because don’t know the direction myself. One thing I know though: it’ll be a little shorter this time. Yes, we who are famous for word waterfalls can sometimes be lost for words too. It is when there is too much going about our brains, so much that expressing it in words would result in an overlap. But then again that IS my state of mind now; organized chaos!

I’m sitting in a very ideal position for creativity to flow; surrounded by orange and blue and a quite eye pleasing view outside. It was here, almost a dozen years ago that I came out one morning and exclaimed I’d seen a UFO. See what I mean by creativity and imagination gone berserk. But honestly I DID see something. Anyway, paranormal activities will be discussed some other day. I type as the rest of the family is contemplating where they would like to go to eat fish tonight. As an afterthought; my damn result is coming out tomorrow; around 10 am our time! (The air has changed).

I’m always in denial of the coming out of the result. Avoiding discussions and queries from family and friends about how I did in exams. But finally, one day before it’s as if I have no where to run. It’s on Facebook, it’s on my mobile inbox. It is always on a damn Monday which means weekend pep talks. Every time I run into my parents it’s “so what do you think, you’ll get through right?” My days of living in denial and blissful ignorance are over. I have to face the music. Whatever I put in the oven 2 months ago finally needs to get out and get devoured by the world. And yes that works both ways; it’ll get devoured even if it is totally crappy. I mean half of Islamabad knows it’s coming out and somehow they have supposed that as these were the 2 final papers I’m probably done with education (I’m not). So I should either find a job or find a guy! :S

I have always had a different approach to results. I mean if they suck it’s my fault I get it. But I’m not going to punish myself just because I screwed up. Bad things happen and they happen to everyone. Some people take it really bad; moping around, not touching their food, thinking it’s a sin to laugh out loud or watch TV or knock the life out the computer. I’m not saying I have never been to the dark side because I have. (I think I’m having an ‘emo’ day today :P)

It was somewhere in A’ Levels I guess and I assure you that was an ordeal that temporarily took the life out of me. Not because I wanted to, but because I thought I was expected to. After that experience I realized that just like we need to govern our happiness, the same is with sadness or anger. It is only on that person how he is supposed to mourn. And besides after all that my sadness deposit box took a heavy fall and was non repairable so I just chucked it. Anger is actually a better option. When used in a controlled amount it gets the frenzy out; a minute later your blood cools down and you actually think of a more rational next step. I’m glad though that it was a high school result that made me realise this rather than something bigger and worse. Also that heavy rock music can act as a better brain stimulant than slow and soft numbers.

This seems like an ideal place and situation to share my secret mind weapon; because technically I think more people should learn to use it. It is called the expelling/siphoning of a bad though from the mind. All those who are familiar with Harry Potter must remember how the wizard folk touched the wand to their heads and siphoned off their memories. That’s what you have to do. When something bad happens you can do one of the following: mourn or make it right. If suppose that you don’t have the “making right” authority then you probably won’t get anything out of thinking about it over and over again. Do NOT misinterpret though, this is not a lecture on insensitivity, it’s just an adjustment of the brain dials. You can try the ‘all is well’ theory told of in the “3 idiots” if you like; does seem effective.

The human brain is a chamber. Imagine this transparent cubicle inside the chamber. Totally secure and soundproof. This is where all unpleasant and torturous thoughts should go. They’re locked so you can’t hear them and they won’t bug you from time to time or control your activities. However, you can SEE them which means you haven’t forgotten and you’ll get back to them. The lesson here is not to run from problems, face them but not in a destructive way that you end up destroying your own self. This box is where I trap unpleasant thoughts or memories, only so they don’t roam my brain and suffocate my neurons. It works for all; results, fights with friends or siblings, unfairness of the world, suicide bombings, etc. etc. Call it a hair fall defense too :P (One of the many secrets of Sara Q’s enviable hair:D)

This entry is very journal like I think. And yeah it’s not short, probably because I’m rambling here. It started with result anxiety, had a bit of tragedy in the middle and ends with self-proclaimed philosophy and tried and tested methods. Anyway whatever happens tomorrow I know the direction I have to take. It does not depend on my result because I’m making it happen anyway. Might as well get some beauty sleep before the bomb drops though. Don’t be surprised, this is my own version of pessimistic optimism, need to see both sides of the coin. If you’re prepared it leaves a more decent mark.

All that has been said above applies to all tragedies tragic enough to promise a sleepless night or a sunless day. So knock yourself out. Wish me luck!